Written by Lori Thiessen

In a world that loves and hates labels, I thought I’d offer a few sub- categories for the café commuter. The very name café commuter is Gregg Taylor’s and my own offering into the nifty moniker hat. Other names that are floating around are nomad, neo-bedouin and road warrior.

Despite the fact that the Linnaean-esque taxonomy for this new and evolving being has not yet been formalized, I would like to offer my own observations of some species under the domain name of: café commuter.

  1. The Table Hog (Hogus tabulus) – a café commuter who likes to spread their stuff all around so that more than one table or chair is in use, and they get quite cranky if you try to point this out to them.
  2. The Cell Phone Squawker (iamsoimportantus) – a café commuter who likes to speak loudly and at length when either receiving calls or initiating them. These creatures are difficult to ignore and irritating in the extreme, especially in a flock.
  3. The Electric Sentinel (outletus gardium) – a café commuter who will not graciously share one of the few outlets available in the café or coffee shop. Personally, I’ve rarely run into this subspecies but I’ve had reports of its existence.
  4. The Cheap Skate ( miserium spendlittien) – someone who brings in their own food to café or coffee shop and only buys one small coffee, but sits in the place for hours.
  5. The Garbage Leaver (detritus letalone)- someone who insists on believing that the barista is really Mom in disguise and will leave mounds of dirty plates, cups, napkins etc. behind. This subspecies is also fond of throwing disposable cups and their sleeves whenever and wherever the notion takes them. This subspecies seems to have a curious blind spot when it comes to refuse containers.

These are just a few of the species under the domain name Café Commuter. If you have spotted any other different types of species, please write and I’ll add them to the list.

Thanks for dropping by and I’ll save your seat until next time!

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